Come one, come all! Made for TV Mayhem has moved to Blogspot! I'm still working on the layout, but it's got a much better look yet is still the same old blog (even kept the elephant!). So please bookmark it and visit it often!

Enjoy!

Network: CBS
Original Air Date: January 14th, 1997

The beauty of being sick (which I have been all week) is that you sometimes, in a ill-stupor, come across movies you never knew were worth seeing. This happened to me last night when I put on Lifetime in the hopes of drifting into a nice “Television for Women” slumber. Of course, slap George C. Scott into anything and chances are I’ll want to see the whole thing anyway, but I was please with just how good Country Justice was.

George C. Scott plays Clayton Hayes, an aging miner who takes care of his loving granddaughter Emma (Rachel Leigh Cook). She begins to long to see her mother Angie (Ally Sheedy) and during one Christmas break she travels alone to her mother’s shabby mobile home in another state. There she meets Ray (Don Diamont, looking hot even with a mullet), Angie’s lover. Smitten with Emma, who looks even younger than 15 years old (creepy!), he wines and dines her and after one hazy night of sex (was it rape? Even Emma doesn’t know…), she becomes pregnant. With the help of her grandfather, Emma has the baby and after some woeful medical bills, decide Clayton should adopt the little boy so he can have medical insurance. Of course, creepy Ray – who’s been prowling around Clayton’s place for some time now - decides better of it and gets custody of a kid he really doesn’t want. Clayton takes off with the baby and with the help of his fellow trucking and mining buddies, goes on the lam.


Let’s face it, by 1997 most tele-films were nothing to write home about. Granted a few good ones came out, but the interest in small screen stand alone features was pretty sad, and no wonder, since the 90s was the age of the disease-of-the-week. It's easy to see why this movie came and went under the radar. Well, thank god then for Lifetime who has kept this film alive over the years. I have seen it advertised several times, but never had a chance to catch it until last night. Here I am, over 12 hours later and I’m still thinking about it. I mean, it’s not some incredible study on human existence or anything, but it’s thoughtful, sweet and yeah, a little sentimental – in a good way. This was one of Scott’s last films and I think a nice turn for such a strong actor who often played it a little louder. Here he’s just a grandfather. Kind, caring and oh-so-watchable. Cook is great and lovely in the part. I felt really bad for her and her situation and although I thought Ray was mega-hot, Diamont definitely got the creep vibe working. I couldn’t wait to see him just go away. Sheedy is good, but her part is small and doesn’t really figure in like the other three.

OK, so you hear the words Country Justice and George C. Scott and I know you’re thinking he’s just going to blow off Ray’s head, but he doesn’t and I’m glad this movie wasn’t some crazed hillbilly crime drama. Instead it’s about people taking care of their own and finding hope in the darkest circumstances. In other words, it’s about life. So I guess that makes Lifetime the perfect station to play this underrated drama!

Hey all,


I just started a Made for TV Mayhem Group over at Facebook. Come one, come all, ya'll. Sign up or the Equalizer will put a cap in your ass. Seriously.

Also, one of my fellow Retro Slashers scribes, Christian Sellers just wrote a fun article on a Small Screen Slasher called I Saw What You Did, which stars Tammy Lauren and Shawnee Smith. Stop by and check it out, yo!

Imagine the jaw-dropping horror that ensued when I read that Jerry O’Connell was going to star in the remake of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. Seriously, the obnoxious actor from Joe’s Apartment is slated to play Jim Hutton’s befuddled character in the small screen classic?

Well, no, actually.

Turns out I misread that little tidbit (and it inspired the Remakes Schremakes piece) , although I was correct that they are remaking Don’t. Guillermo del Toro co-wrote and will produce and Katie Holmes will star. Granted, hiring beautiful, poised tabloid fodder would not be my first choice as Darby’s replacement, but I’m not too upset about the remake. For one, it’s a bona fide obscure classic. Second, it’s made for television and while so many remake supporters say these “re-imaginings” bring attention to smaller genre films, most remakes are of movies even non-horror fans are pretty familiar with. So, if it shines a light on the television film, one of the most oft-maligned genres, than more power to them. The story itself is already radically changed, according to IMDb:

A young girl sent to live with her father and his new girlfriend discovers creatures in her new home who want to claim her as one of their own.



It also doesn’t hurt that this movie is being done by del Toro. Recently, I was reading the script review of the Nightmare on Elm Street remake at Retro Slashers, written by my fellow contributor BodyCounter, and he pointed out that the great remakes (The Fly and The Thing) were remade by visionaries. If del Toro isn’t a true visionary than I don’t know who is. I think if anyone can capture the claustrophobic fantastical home invasion fear of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, it’s him.

2011 is some time from now, but I’m already eagerly counting the days!

And I can’t believe I just said that, but it’s true!

Network: ABC
Original Air Date: February 6th, 1974


Even with the upcoming release of Dark Night of the Scarecrow the fact still lingers that most of the classic television movies have yet to find a home on DVD (or even on vhs for that matter). Whether they be stuck in copyright hell or the studios just think a DVD release won't generate any revenue, there are still plenty of interesting movies available. I’m always shocked at what I can find on disc in some cheap release. Would I prefer a better transfer, extras and perhaps a little commentary from the actors or filmmakers? Sure, but beggars can’t be choosers, and I support the release of any TV film wholeheartedly.


I was happily surprised when I picked up a copy of Cry Panic, which is featured on a two movie disc with something called The Inside Man (not a TV movie), to find a very good movie. I think it’s easy, even for big fans of television films (yeah, all three of us!) to forget that dozens, if not hundreds of television movies came out in that golden era and just because it doesn’t have Trilogy or Satan in the title, they’re still worth checking out.

And that brings me to the actual film (I know, enough already, on with the movie!). John Forsythe puts in a good turn as David Ryder, a man who’s been driving all night to a job interview. As he’s passing through a small town, he accidentally hits a man, knocking him (and his own car) into a ditch. Once he realizes he’s killed this man, Ryder high tails it to the first house to call for help. A beautiful woman (Anne Francis) answers the door, leads him to the phone and hands him a stiff drink. Back at the sight of the hit and run, Sheriff Cabot (the great Earl Holliman) has already begun pulling out the car and searching for the dead man. When no body is found, Ryder is led to the police station to make a statement and told he’s just drunk and tired and needs to rest. The mysterious woman shows up a bit later at a bar, giving Ryder the heads up that something is just not right in this idyllic little desert town. Things begin to unwind in a confused fashion as nothing Ryder claims to have happened can be substantiated. Has he gone crazy or are his conspiracy theories correct?



Cry Panic is pretty great. There’s a little bit of Lynch-esque beats with Francis and the concept of nothing-is-what-it-seems-in-this-small-town. Of course, it never goes to the extremes Lynch does, nor does it possess any kind of nightmarish imagery, but there is definitely a feel to this film, or at least during the first half. The second half is played a bit more straight as the mystery gets ironed out, but is just as enticing as the first.

The actors in Cry Panic are great, giving every bit of dialog a second meaning. Is the postman really trying to abscond with Ryder’s mail or is he just sorting the letters? I love the way it all unfolds in front of Ryder. The pacing is phenomenal. It’s slow, yes, but deliberate and helps make the mystery interesting to us. The bits with the mysterious woman are done in just such a way that it leaves a palpable air of unease afterwards. Cry Panic is a movie that knows its medium and how to pull off small screen thrills without going to grandiose measures. It’s all about the little things here and does not disappoint.

Network: NBC
Original Air Date: March 3rd, 1985



Yes, sometimes great gifts come in small packages. As small as DVD packages.

I’ve had a copy of Secret Weapons sitting around my apartment for what seems like forever, but is actually more like 3 years. I started to watch it back in the day, but for whatever reason, never made it past the halfway point. Not that it was bad or boring, I think I had to do something like a chore or work or something really stupid. And being the kind of half-assed person I am, I put the movie aside and then it got lost in the shuffle of the TV movie madness known as my life.

Cut to last week and here I am desperately looking for something to pick up the old spirits and this movie somehow surfaced to the top of my pile. I don’t know exactly how it got there except to say that I now believe divine intervention is real. So I popped it on and TV movie heaven commenced.

Secret Weapons is meant to expose the sordid underpinnings of the Russkies and the lengths they would go to ruin anyone from the US of A. Instead, it’s a really campy look sex for sex’s sake - TV movie style. The Russians are enticing beautiful young school girls who speak good English to basically become high-priced hookers who do a little spying on the side. Once you’ve been selected, you go to a “school” where they teach to pick the locks, have you watch girls in bikinis dance, oh, and also force you to have sex. Once you’ve graduated, you can take those very valuable lessons and seduce various visiting Americans and expose them (literally!) when needed.

 

 

 
















The school is run by Colonel Victor Khudenko (James Franciscus) and the training is conducted by his very serious wife Vera (Sally Kellerman looking fab!). Two of the students are Elana Koslov (Linda Hamilton) & Tamara Reshevsky (Geena Davis). Although both graduate, it’s obvious that Elana is the one the Colonel and Vera are counting on. They need her to be successful to keep their business going. Too bad Elana has this thing called a conscience, which tends to get in the way of her missions. Sure she’s successful at busting a young rich kid (Christopher Atkins), but goes all head over heels when she’s assigned to Jack Spaulding (Hunt Block, who I loved as Lee Ramsey on One Life to Live). What will Elana do? Has watching girls in bikinis dancing turned her into a full blooded American patriot or will she remain loyal to her country and kick her man to the curb? Well, you’ll have to watch to find out…


Secret Weapons is a lot of fun. Every subtle element is completely overblown and becomes ridiculous. I mean, is it possible the Russians really thought Americans were like that? Or is it just the Red’s wishful thinking? Or rather was it just the screenwriters' wishful thinking. I mean, the 80s were awesome, but not this awesome. The scene with the bikinis and girls putting on lipstick is worth the price of the DVD.

Trust me.

The actors are all great and manage to keep the ludicrous ideas at bay. Hamilton was something else. Quite beautiful, she always had an air of confidence about her and was prefect for the part. Seriously, the Cold War would have been a lot more fun if this movie were based on any facts. Of course maybe it was, because was there a better decade to have a sexy spy than the 80s. Imagine the hair!

With the news that Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is being remade, I realize not even made for television movies are safe from the recycle machine in tinsel town. I informed some fellow bloggers of this and it turns out Don’t isn’t the only film being fitted for a new look. Check out some of the movies we found heading into production.

I came across these:

Shattered Innocence: Lindsay Lohan (re) recreates the days of Shauna Grant's life in adult films. Her coke dealer/boyfriend is played by Alec Baldwin, only he cleans up his act and she ends up being cast in the next Steven Soderbergh film.

This House Possessed: Tom Welling plays straight laced musician Gary Stralhorn who hires a beautiful nurse named Sheila (played by Thora Birch) and they fall in love while investigating his haunted iPhone.

Gargoyles: Daman Wayans plays the head of a gargolyle cult, who fears being exploited by Jason Lee and his daughter played by Jamie Pressley.

The Babysitter: Anna Lynne McCord plays the enigmatic new housekeeper for a family consisting of the Octomom and her 14 babies (all played by Dakota Fanning). Turns out the babysitter isn’t evil (leave that up to mom), she’s just a crappy housekeeper.

Dr. Cook’s Garden: Mathew Broderick replaces Bing Crosby as the evil doctor. Instead of “euthanizing” patients he deems immoral, he makes them look at Sarah Jessica Parker (played by Michael Bolton) in a bikini!



Aunt John at Kindertrauma knew of some others:

Home for the Holidays (2009): In ailing health, Benjamin Morgan (Joel Higgens of Silver Spoons fame) summons his four estranged adult daughters (Shannen Doherty, Tiffani Amber Thiessen, Tara Reid, and Soleil Moon Frye) home for one final Christmas to bury the hatchet. Since his daughters hold him responsible for the bizarre suicide death of their mother (Dallas & Models Inc.’s Linda Gray seen only in a flashback guzzling from a box of wine and riding a donkey perilously close to a wood chipper), the elder Morgan further alienates his daughters by telling them that his second wife (Tracey Nelson) is plotting to kill him. One by one, as Christmas draws near, the daughters are pitch forked to death, which begs the question, who is behind the killings? The second wife with a body count in her past? The town doctor (played with aplomb by Ted McGinley)?

Fallen Angel (2009): In this gender-reversed, Univision-produced, update of the 1981 Emmy Award-wining T.V. movie of the week Fallen Angel (starring Dana Hill, Richard Masur, and Melinda Dillon), twelve-year-old Juan (Ugly Betty’s Mark Indelicato) is unhappy with his widower father's relationship with a family friend. Feeling lonely, Juan readily accepts the friendship of an adult woman named Hortence (Will & Grace and Devil Times Five star Shelley Morrison) and joins the after school, interpretative dance school she owns. Soon, Hortence is convincing Juan pose for photographs that become more and more revealing. Hortence turns out to be one of those not-often seen on television lady pedophiles that works in child pornography and she plans to make Juan a "star." Will Juan's father (funny man, and we use that term loosely, Paul Rodriguez) be able to help his son before it's too late?

Michael Ferrari at Cinema du Meep informed me of these films:

A remake of Sybil with Hilary Duff: When she's mean and ugly she turns into Haylie Duff. Tina Fey plays the psychiatrist role because she wears glasses and looks smart.

Sooner or Later: Now starring Gossip Girl's Blake Lively as the 13 year old girl who falls for rock star/music teacher Justin Timberlake.

Brian’s Song: A reboot with The Rock and Chad Michael Murray, now set against the world of competitive male cheerleaders. Instead of one of them dying of cancer, this time he'll have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

Duel: Now set in the future with Jason Statham playing everyman David Mann who after just getting out of jail (wrongly accused of killing his wife) is now being chased by a hybrid Mack Truck/Prius. There will be many illusions to the oil crisis. One scene involves Statham lighting oil on the road so he can later escape a fireball in his souped up Mercedes.

The Boy in the Plastic Bubble: It's about time this gets a redo. But because it's the future, he won't need a bubble anymore. He is implanted with a mechanism within that allows all germs and bacteria to be retracted and sent in any direction he chooses. The government finds out about this breakthrough technology that his renegade doctor gave him and decides to use him as a weapon to fight against the war on terror. Shia Lebouf could play the boy and Miley Cyrus as the love interest.

I could also remake Bad Ronald with all 3 of the Jonas Brothers playing him. One could be good Ronald. One can be Bad Ronald and the other can be Prince Norbit of Atrantra.

For my next screenplay, I'm going to write a remake of Dark Night Of The Scarecrow. I envision Jamie Foxx and Zach Efron in the Charles Durning and Larry Drake roles, respectively. Oh, and it's going to be set in modern day L.A.



Unkle Lancifer at Kindertrauma told me about these:

Crow-Raven Farm: Raven Simone stars as a typical housewife who slowly comes to the realization that her dream home is over run with pilgrim ghosts.

The Bermuda Debts: Connie Selleca finds herself facing bankruptcy due to the high cost of trying to raise her beloved pet, a giant turtle.

Mother May I Sleep with Dana Carvey?: Tori Spelling stars in this horror thriller about an aspiring actress who will do just about anything to star in a proposed "Church Lady" movie.

Rob Zombie’s Don’t Go to Sleep 2: Double Cheese, Hold the Obituaries: A now adult Kristen Cumming returns to the role that made her famous in this highly anticipated sequel to the 1982 television classic. Cumming, as Mary, has just been released from a mental hospital and soon finds work managing a local pizza joint. Spurred on by the ghost of her dead sister Jennifer, Mary in a misguided effort to resurrect Ruth Gordon takes pizza cutter in hand and begins to slice up both customer and employee alike.

And even across the pond it’s remakes-a-go-go, just ask Ross at Anchorwoman in Peril!:

OMG! You mean you haven't heard about the upcoming "reimagining" of Everybody's Baby: The Rescue Of Jessica McClure??! It stars Miley Cyrus as "Jess" McClure, a hot 17-year-old heiress who tragically falls down a 50ft sewer pipe whilst leaving a hip Miami nightclub. Can her hot young friends, together with some misunderstood Latino street punks, manage to rescue her (and find love) before time runs out and she misses her audition for America's Got Talent? I can't wait!!! Apparently, there's even gonna be a cameo from Sharon Osbourne... as a bag lady who shows Jess how to catch rats for food at the bottom of the hole.

Finally, my boyfriend David Cohen told me about this one:

Crawlspace: Stars Dane Cook as an extraordinarily annoying drifter who suffers flashbacks from his USO tour . He moves into the crawlspace of a home owned by a troubled elderly couple played by Bill Murray and Lily Tomlin. Their common hatred of the drifter draws the couple back together. Tentative title: Crawlspace-gasm.

*Thanks everyone for helping me out with this and special thanks to Michael for the idea and to Aunt John for the Home for the Holidays and Fallen Angel art!!! You all rule!!!

I've got a new article at Retro Slashers and it's all about Killer Motivations.

Enjoy!

The fine, fine folks at Horror Yearbook posted a little bit of news about the upcoming DVD release for Dark Night of the Scarecrow. The screenwriter, J.D. Feigelson contacted HYB to let them know everything is rolling along smoothly! Expect to see the DVD around October! YAY!

In that article there is also a link to Fright Rags, where you can buy a pretty freakin' awesome tee shirt for Dark Night. So what are you waiting for?!?

Check out my latest at Retro Slashers:

I have a review of Iced. Cheesy goodness to the extreme!

Oh my god, I love this picture from Iced!
I also did an image gallery for this oddball proto-slasher called Hollywood Meatcleaver Massacre. And yes, that's Christopher Lee!

Also, Kindertrauma keeps the love of the Made for TV Movie alive with reviews of:

Daughter of the Mind

The Possessed (You can read my review here)

I, Desire

Enjoy!



Crazed for TV Movies!

Two Loves for Jenny
Original Air Date: October 27th, 1982

Did You Hear What Happened to Andrea?
Original Air Date: December 7th, 1983


The ABC Afterschool Special was a staple of my childhood. I remember many of them (with the “V.D” episode instilling the necessary amount of fear it most likely intended!), but there were so many episodes, a lot of what I remember is a medley of images from several installments. Luckily, a few of these episodes were released on DVD for mass consumption from a nostalgically inclined audience. I.E. ME! So Yays all around!



Two Loves of Jenny (aka Between Two Loves) features the gawky, but pretty and extremely likable Karlene Crockett (Dallas, Diary of a Teenage Hitchhiker) as Jenny, a new student in a new school in a new town. Jenny’s father has just died and her mom moves them from the farm to a bigger city so Jenny can play in an elite high school orchestra, run by stodgy Mr. Forbes (Robert Reed!). Turns out, Jenny is one mean violinist and is able to join immediately. She takes the last chair while uber gorgeous Doug (Lance Guest who was simply heaven sent in The Last Starfighter!) takes chair #1. They strike up a friendship that eventually leads to a blossoming romance. But Jenny’s abilities as a musician quickly move her up in the orchestra and eventually pit her against Doug for a much coveted scholarship. Doug really needs the funding for school and Jenny is only now just realizing how badly she wants to play the violin professionally. The relationship is tested when Jenny has to decide if music means more than Doug.

Honestly, I was expecting this episode to be a bit of a bore. I like classical music, but am not enthralled with watching a movie about it. But Two Loves for Jenny is engaging, sweet and never boring. It reminded me why I loved Afterschool Specials so much – it introduced young adults to interesting topics they might not have access to (i.e. classical music) while captivating it’s audience with universal themes (i.e. first loves). The balance here is fantastic and I was sad to see this special end.

For some time I have been in love with Karlene, but she’s a bit of a chameleon and I often just didn’t know I was watching the same actress in various shows. Her filmmography isn’t huge, and ended in 2005 but she is a very impressive and lovely actress. Come back Karlene!

Now on the other hand, I have been quite aware of Lance Guest. I have loved him since I was 13 years old and his lanky build, curly locks and sweet presence made him the perfect first love for Jenny. And he was in Jaws 4 and Halloween 2, which is all kinds of awesome!



The second episode on the DVD is the infamous Did You Hear What Happened to Andrea? (aka Andrea’s Story: A Hitchhiking Tragedy) It’s infamous because it’s one of the episodes, besides the V.D. one, that I remember explicitly. Andrea is played by pretty Michele Greene (who has become a regular in the world of Lifetime movies) who along with her boyfriend David (Moosie Drier – oh my god, I love him!) make the big mistake of hitchhiking. Well, it’s more like Andrea makes the even bigger mistake to continue on the ride after they drop off David. She is taken to a desolate area and raped. Andrea tries to hide this horrible secret, but it soon comes pouring out as her friend tries to hitch a ride. The police are called, her parents are informed about the crime and her boyfriend is called in as a witness. But this film is mostly about learning not to blame yourself and to know you can find strength in facing your assailant.


Now see, the above sentence makes this episode sound really great, but unfortunately Andrea is a bit dry and a little forced. Granted, they had less than an hour to get a lot of layered themes across to the viewer, but a lot of the intensity gets lost in the shuffle. And the shopping montage… well, it’s silly.


Greene is good and her parents are played by Carrie Snodgress and Matt Clark. Both are fantastic as they take on opposite sides of what they think is right for Andrea. A very young pre-holy roller Kirk Cameron plays the precocious little brother who serves absolutely no purpose (kind of like now) and the late Robert DoQui is pretty great as the cop handling the case. I won’t even go into Moosie Drier, let’s just say he’s adorable. Not a bad way to spend an hour, but after Two Loves for Jenny, well… maybe if Lance Guest had showed up in this one too… just maybe…

I will always love you.

Network: NBC
Original Air Date: January 3rd, 1984

If Magnum P.I. and The Whiz Kids had a baby, Riptide would be their love child. Not just content to have machismo running around in tighty whities, Riptide also features a lovable computer geek nicknamed Boz who has a robot called the Ro-Boz, which I'm sorry, is totally adorable! Actually, all of the actors are extremely endearing and a lot of fun to watch. So, although you are guaranteed to get at least two car chases and just as many fist fights (as well as some nice peck checks) per episode, this show is all about friendship. Well, ain't that sweet?

These down and out detectives bring in their old army bud, Murray "Boz" Bozinsky (Thom Bray), a famous computer whiz who is fed up with his office job (I mean really fed up!) and he brings along the Ro-Boz, who can pretty much do anything except bring you a drink without pouring it on you (this later becomes a bit of an ongoing joke through the show).

The story for the pilot is competent and fun, a little complicated but fairly easy to follow. The show actually featured some fun mysteries in the later episodes. I liked that the crime solving parts were a little Murder, She Wrote. And thusly, it was the birth of a pretty amazing series.

All three seasons of Riptide were recently released on DVD and I just picked up Season One (with Season Two currently on the way!). I had the vaguest memories of this show, but mostly remembered the boat and the easy going flow of action. It's an obvious riff on Magnum P.I. but original enough that I am wary to make any comparisons (except for Cody's mustache, which made him that blonde alternative to Tom Selleck. Nice to know there are choices in these matters!). They doubled the hunk factor but took some great lessons from Magnum's camaraderie with his Nam buds. So yeah, I made a comparison, what of it?

Riptide was created by Stephen J. Cannell, who along with Donald P. Bellisario and Glen A. Larson, made some of the best escapist action television of the 80s. And say what you will about one-off episodes, which often feature characters who disappear in the ether never to be seen again, but the overall enjoyment of this kinds of "mindless" action fare frankly blows a lot of newer stuff out of the water. I remember when people watched television to escape and not to feel all bad about something. Riptide is one of the best of those shows to air in a decade full of great escapist television, and that my friend is no small feat.

My computer has been in the shop and just got my puppy back tonight. All looks well and I remembered something I wanted to share... I was recently quoted on the press release for the upcoming DVD re-issue of The Last Horror Film! My dear friend John Kylza at Retro Slashers pointed it out to me! You can read the article here, and there's a link to the actual review they pulled it from!

I make no bones about my love for all things Spinell and this film. Pick it up if enjoy your slashers a little silly, a little slick and a whole lot of fun!

I found this awesome website that is sort of like MySpace for nostalgic fools like myself. The site is called Retroland and I promptly set up my page. I'm having a pretty good time filling in the Timeline section. I mean, I’ve written about the Golden Girls, Modern Girls and Mrs. Garrett’s girls! I am so happy right now!!!

I know, I’m an easy sell.

Oh, goofy Dr. Stanley Riverside, how I love thee and all your silly faces. You let Gonzo and Trapper John use their reverse psychology, but we all know you’re the one with the brains. You’ve never let me down with your outlandish comic timing and your sweet-as-pie smile.

Dr. Stanley Riverside I love watching you on Trapper John M.D. every Wednesday night on the American Life Network.

You saved a woman’s life with a duster buster, helped an old con artist buy a café, almost made out with a super hot Asian chick and you love your dad. And I love you!

 




















 

Network: NBC
Original Air Date: May 27th, 1985

What could be better than a mini-series with Stefanie Powers?

How about a mini-series with two Stefanie Powers. I kid you not.

From Non-Fab to Tre-Fab:


















The end result (and a nice split screen!):



Stefanie plays Sabrina (Breenie) and Stephanie, twin sisters who have taken two very different paths in life. While Stephanie has settled down and had two kids with her hunky college professor hubby Grant (Barry Bostwick, who is amazing as usual). Her life consists of a seemingly loveless marriage, a part time job at the college bookstore and tending to her young children, one of whom has recently taken upstealing (Jason Miller from Growing Pains. The daughter is played by an extremely young Faruza Balk). She's thrilled when her much more sophisticated sister, Sabrina flies her to Venice for their birthday. On the outside, Breenie is quite enviable with her art collecting gig, closet full of designer clothes, plenty of suitors and a big ol' giant house with a staff! OK, so maybe her life is pretty good. But ask Breenie about it and you're certain to get another answer. This lovely lady has gotten herself mixed up with the seedier side of London's posh scene and finds she is basically a kept woman for the local mobster. He heads out of town for a month, while Breenie and Stephanie head toVenice and hatch their "harmless" scheme... to switch places.

So off they go, Breenie becomes a housewife (and has a knack for it!) and Stephanie runs around London with one of Breenie's old suitors (played by the gorgeous Fabio Testi from Nothing Underneath). After a car accident, which leaves Breenie bruised, she and Stephanie opt to keep the fantasy up for just a bit longer... but as more time passes while playing this game, the less enticing returning home to suburbia becomes to Stephanie. Then Breenie's mobster boyfriend returns and things take a turn for the worse.

Deceptions is like all of your favorite night time soaps on a more epic level. The scenes in London and Venice are amazing to look at. Gina Lolobriggida plays Princess Alessandra, which should give you a nice clue to how glamorous this movie is. And it's a ton of fun. I put it on expecting to watch only the first half in one sitting and then finish it in another. But I watched this little bit of eye candy from beginning to end in one go. Stefanie is great as both girls and gives each just a touch of difference so you can see why someone would confuse them, but you're also aware of each's unique personality.

And it's so... 1985. The wardrobe is awesome to behold and the music! Oh, the music! The opening song features "I'm So Excited," by the Pointer Sisters, which sets the pacing for this fun ride. I love a little opulence, but 80s opulence?!? Well, it was just never done better!

And what a great way to twist the escapist "fantasy" so many of us have of a world full of caviar dreams (thank you, Robin Leach!). The lucky girl is the one who realizes that life with a college professor and a couple of kids is far more rewarding than one built on great style, hot men and money. We know that's not true, but what a sweet thought, no?

Network: CBS
Original Air Date: February 11th, 1982

It would have been almost impossible for any horror nerd growing up in the 80s to not have heard of John Saul. Considered one of the greats of modern genre writing, he's only had one of his books turned into a film, and that film is the not-so-good Cry for the Strangers starring Patrick Duffy.


Duffy is Dr. Brad Russell, a psychiatrist who moves his family to an island so he can concentrate on his writing. This idyllic place is instantly marred with death when Brad and his wife Elaine (Cindy Pickett) see an old fisherman's body being plucked from the sea on their first day! Undeterred, they move into a beach side home near "Devil's Elbow" (I know, is that a horrible name or what?!?), where it seems some kind of mystical, nefarious activity has been known to take place. Strange things happen, bodies begin to appear and Brad is determined to get to the bottom of this haphazard, half-hearted mystery. Uh, yay?

There's some good stuff in Strangers. Directed by Peter Medak, the scenery is awe-inspiring (minus the one set of clouds rolling in, which they show, like, three hundred thousand times!) and the cast, which includes Brian Keith is pretty good. Unfortunately, the story and pacing leave a lot to be desired. It's just so hard to grasp onto anything of interest in Strangers, and it falters amazingly so.

I'll be honest, I've never read John Saul's work, but I imagine as it usually is with adaptations, the book is better than the film. At least I hope so! And although I know better, I hope he didn't seriously write about a place called Devil's Elbow!

Sorry for the lack of content -- I know you're all in tears, ain't ya?

I do have some links from a few things I posted over at Retro Slashers.

I have an unhealthy obsession with a slasher called The Prey:

Come check out my comparison of The Prey and Wrong Turn.

Read my interview with Jackson Bostwick, star of The Prey.

Also, I have a review of a little known but pretty cool slasher called Ghostkeeper. It's a keeper! HA!

Enjoy!

Looks like the internet finally got cool! A website called Fancast is streaming several made for television movies. Among the Lifetime thrillers, I found some honest to goodness gems. Now, I'm not positive these will stream (some of them I couldn't seem to get the hook up on), but here's the links which you can try yourself (all synopsis pulled off of IMDb, except as noted):

Are you in the House Alone? : This movie is about a teenage girl named Gail who starts to be stalked. Its also about her dramatic friend and her friends boyfriend. He best friend pressures her to date a guy who has nothing wrong. However, then she starts to get scary phone calls at night and notes on her locker.

The Ambush Murders: (synopsis from NY Times) Based on a book by Ben Bradlee Jr., Tony Kayden's script traces the case of an outspoken black activist accused of murdering two white policemen in Lindero, Calif.

Babes in Toyland:11-year-old Lisa has no time for toys; she's too busy taking care of her siblings and cooking for her mother. During the Christmas Eve blizzard, Lisa travels to Toyland in Wizard of Oz-like fashion and arrives just in time for a wedding. Young Mary Contrary is about to marry mean, old Barnaby Barnacle, despite the fact that she loves Jack Be Nimble. Lisa tries to stop this terrible wedding and, together with her new friends, discovers that Barnaby wants to take over Toyland. Lisa, Mary, Jack, and Georgie Porgie ask the Toymaster for help, but he can't help them as long as Lisa doesn't truly believe in toys.

Moon of the Wolf: After several locals are viciously murdered, a Louisiana sheriff starts to suspect he may be dealing with a werewolf.

Perfect Murder, Perfect Town: (synopsis from The All Movie Guide) This made-for-TV miniseries recounts the muddled criminal investigation of the JonBenet Ramsey murder -- one of the most luridly publicized crimes in recent memory. As the crime unfolds, the Boulder police squad grow increasingly swamped by the elusive details of the crime and the unprecedented media attention.

Return of the Rebels: An aging motorcycle gang assemble for a 25-year reunion to help out former member Mary Beth, a widowed operator of a popular campground which is being threatened by a band of arrogant groupies.

Winds of Kitty Hawk: The story of the Wright Brothers and the events that led to the famous first flight at Kitty Hawk, NC.

Also, you can check out my newest Not So Basic Instincts review at Horror Yearbook. This time around, it’s all been a Tease!